|
| ...I'm back again. Mostly just curiosity that keeps me coming back here. Tracking my emotional development since I joined in 2003. I guess some egotism as well - that certain desire to absorb oneself in oneself, and to think that you're leaving something behind that holds all your thoughts, emotions, and other such supposedly most meaningful aspects.
I wonder if I'll write in this again for another year... probably not. But I'd be curious, if I get the chance to come back to it in one year's time (will I have internet?) what my weblog will say. How will I be a changed man? (Boy? Person?) I can't help but feel that having a college degree won't change how I feel, won't change who I am fundamentally. But everything else. Being away from home, being truly alone and isolated for the first time in my life. I can't help but feel that I am woefully unprepared for "real life," that entity, that behemoth, which has snuck up on me, has been stealthily sneaking up on me for the past 21 years. I can't help but feel, maybe I made my decision for the wrong reasons - did I just do it to escape "real life" for another couple of years? It seems increasingly apparent that my decision will fling me headlong into "real life," a life more real than I can possibly know at this stage of the game.
But I feel that it is worthwhile. I feel that it will make me a better person, give me the tools I need to be a real person in the midst of "real life." Maybe, years from now, someone not I will look back at this entry and say, "Yes, Derek did what was right and best and made a difference."
I can only hope. But then, maybe that hope is only a product of the aforementioned self-absorption, that singular sense of self-importance and product of hubris particular to those of us who write blog entries to an empty audience.
-iD
| | |
| What am I going to do? What am I SUPPOSED to do?
-iD
And I never wanna say goodbye
But girl you make it hard to be faithful
| | |
| ...or am I?
I was bored, so I visited my old Xanga site (this one) for the first time in... two years? Close, anyway. Just wanted to say: March 30, 2007's entry pretty much encapsulates the happiness (the "Life-is-good-factor") which envelopes my life these days. Still. Which is nice to say.
Writing my thoughts, though I know only the occasional random will read them here, somehow makes me feel better. Like I could tell my thoughts here, my innermost secrets, everything I've only told a couple of people in the world, even everything I've never told anyone, and it would be alright.
But that's not my style. Not anymore. I can make allusions, I can be as emo as I want here... and I'll content myself with that.
-iD
| | |
| Some sort of divinely ironic retribution?
-iD
| | |
| "We ask Allah that they (U.S. troops) only get out of it after
losing 200,000 to 300,000 killed, in order that we give the spillers of
blood in Washington and Europe an unforgettable lesson," he said.
He made no mention of Bush vetoing the bill on Thursday — an indication the video may have been made beforehand.
Al-Zawahri encouraged minorities around the world to join the holy war, or jihad.
"Al-Qaida is not merely for the benefit of Muslims," he said.
"That's why I want blacks in America, people of color, American
Indians, Hispanics, and all the weak and oppressed in North and South
America, in Africa and Asia, and all over the world."
...fucking hypocrite. burn in hell, scum.
-iD
| | |
|
